Funeral and Memorial Service Liturgies

1. Scripture sentences as the family enters 2. Welcome and opening prayer 3. Hymn or song 4. Old Testament reading, usually a Psalm 5. Remembrance: eulogy or eulogies, five to seven minutes each 6. New Testament reading 7. Homily, ten to fifteen minutes 8. Prayers for the family, into the Lord's Prayer 9. Hymn or song 10. Benediction and dismissal to the graveside At the graveside: scripture sentence, committal, prayer, benediction.

— Original

Jesus said unto her, I am the resurrection, and the life: he that believeth in me, though he were dead, yet shall he live: and whosoever liveth and believeth in me shall never die.

— John 11:25-26 (KJV)

For we brought nothing into this world, and it is certain we can carry nothing out. The Lord gave, and the Lord hath taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord.

— 1 Timothy 6:7; Job 1:21 (KJV)

The LORD is my shepherd; I shall not want. He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: he leadeth me beside the still waters. He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name's sake. Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me. Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies: thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over. Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of the LORD for ever.

— Psalm 23 (KJV)

Lord, thou hast been our dwelling place in all generations. Before the mountains were brought forth, or ever thou hadst formed the earth and the world, even from everlasting to everlasting, thou art God. So teach us to number our days, that we may apply our hearts unto wisdom.

— Psalm 90:1-2, 12 (KJV)

Let not your heart be troubled: ye believe in God, believe also in me. In my Father's house are many mansions: if it were not so, I would have told you. I go to prepare a place for you. And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again, and receive you unto myself; that where I am, there ye may be also.

— John 14:1-3 (KJV)

For I am persuaded that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor things present, nor things to come, nor powers, nor height, nor depth, nor any other created thing will be able to separate us from God's love which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

— Romans 8:38-39 (WEB)

And I heard a great voice out of heaven saying, Behold, the tabernacle of God is with men, and he will dwell with them, and they shall be his people, and God himself shall be with them, and be their God. And God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes; and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain: for the former things are passed away.

— Revelation 21:3-4 (KJV)

God of the living and the dead, we thank you for [Name]. We thank you for the specific things: [two or three, named plainly]. We thank you for what [he/she] gave us that we did not notice at the time and are noticing now. We give [him/her] back to you. Not gladly, but trustingly, because [he/she] was always yours before [he/she] was ours. Amen.

— Original

Lord, be near this family in the days nobody plans for: not today, when the house is full and the food keeps arriving, but three weeks from now, when the casseroles stop and the phone goes quiet and the mail still comes addressed to [Name]. Be there in the middle of the night. Be there in the grocery aisle where they forget for a second and then remember. Carry what they cannot. Amen.

— Original

God, we are not going to pretend to understand this, and we are not going to insult this family by trying. We are angry and we are frightened and we came anyway, because there is nowhere else to bring this. You know what it is to watch someone die. You did not explain it then and you may not explain it now. But do not be far off. Stay in this room. Stay in that house. And hold on to us until we can hold on to you again. Amen.

— Original

Man that is born of a woman hath but a short time to live, and is full of misery. He cometh up, and is cut down, like a flower; he fleeth as it were a shadow, and never continueth in one stay. In the midst of life we are in death: of whom may we seek for succour, but of thee, O Lord?

— The Book of Common Prayer, 1662 (public domain)

Forasmuch as it hath pleased Almighty God of his great mercy to take unto himself the soul of our dear [brother/sister] here departed: we therefore commit [his/her] body to the ground; earth to earth, ashes to ashes, dust to dust; in sure and certain hope of the Resurrection to eternal life, through our Lord Jesus Christ.

— The Book of Common Prayer, 1662 (public domain)

We came here today carrying [Name], and we are going to leave without [him/her], and that is the hardest walk this family will make. So we give [his/her] body back to the ground it was made from: earth to earth, ashes to ashes, dust to dust. And we give [him/her] to the God who has never once lost anything entrusted to him. Rest now, [Name]. We will see you.

— Original

We commit these ashes to [the ground / the sea / this place [Name] loved], in the sure and certain hope of resurrection. The God who formed a body out of dust in the first place is not troubled by dust, and what he raises will be more, not less, than what we are letting go of here. Amen.

— Original

Go gently from this place. May the God of all comfort go home with you. May Christ, who wept at a graveside before he emptied one, weep with you. And may the Spirit keep watch through the nights that are coming, until joy comes in the morning. Amen.

— Original

God, this is wrong, and you know it is wrong, and we are not going to call it anything else in your presence. We hold this family before you, and we hold [Name], who was here for such a short time and changed everything. Jesus took children in his arms and blessed them. Take this one. Hold [him/her] the way we cannot. And do not let this mother and father face one hour of this alone. Amen.

— Original

What is the order of a funeral service?

Scripture sentences as the family enters, a welcome and opening prayer, a hymn, a Psalm, remembrance or eulogy, a New Testament reading, a homily, prayers for the family ending in the Lord's Prayer, a closing hymn, and a benediction. The committal follows at the graveside: a scripture sentence, the committal words, a prayer, and a blessing. Thirty to forty-five minutes for the service, under ten for the committal.

What scripture is read at funerals?

Psalm 23 is read at more funerals than anything else. The other standards are Psalm 90, Psalm 121, John 11:25-26, John 14:1-6, Romans 8:31-39, 1 Corinthians 15:51-57, 1 Thessalonians 4:13-18, and Revelation 21:1-5. Two readings and a Psalm is the usual pattern, with the Psalm read or sung by the congregation.

How long should a eulogy be?

Five to seven minutes, and no more than two or three eulogists. Ask each speaker for a time limit in writing and give them a printed card with it. Open-mic remembrance at a funeral is a well-known way to lose forty minutes and the room; if the family wants it, hold it at the reception instead.

What is a committal?

The short service at the grave, the columbarium, or the place of scattering, where the body or ashes are formally given back to the earth. It is usually five to ten minutes: a sentence of scripture, the committal words ("earth to earth, ashes to ashes, dust to dust"), a prayer, and a benediction. It can happen immediately after the funeral or days later.

What is the difference between a funeral and a memorial service?

Whether the body is present. A funeral has the casket or urn in the room and usually happens within a week of the death. A memorial service happens later without the body, which gives families more time to plan and more room for remembrance. The liturgy is otherwise the same, minus the committal.

What do you say to the family at a funeral?

Say their person's name, say one specific true thing about them, and say you are sorry. Do not explain the death, do not offer a reason, and do not begin a sentence with "at least". Most families remember who showed up far longer than they remember what anyone said.

Can a layperson lead a funeral?

In most jurisdictions there is no legal restriction on who conducts a funeral, unlike a wedding. Denominational rules vary, and funeral homes usually have their own expectations. A layperson leading a service should still write everything out, especially the committal, and should coordinate the timings with the funeral director in advance.